For those of you out there less experienced than me...
...let me tell you something about girls:
They're basically gross.
See, this is pretty much black and white from where I'm standing.
Used to be, back in the day, maybe first or second grade...
...popular wisdom was, they gave you cooties.
Cooties? She touched me!
-Cooties! -Don't touch me.
Cooties! He has cooties!
We didn't know what cooties were exactly...
...but the general feeling was, if a girl touched you...
...some very, very bad things were gonna happen.
How right we were.
This is me now.
I've been in love for two and a half weeks...
...and it's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies.
I'm not gonna dress this up pretty.
Just about everything I know about women, love...
...and the birds and the freaking bees...
...I've learned in the past two and half weeks.
But when you're 1 0 years old...
Rosemary!
...two and a half weeks can be a lifetime.
Okay, here's the deal:
If you came to hear some great New York love story...
...keep walking.
You want a real love story? I'll tell you a real one.
My parents, Camp Anawana, Catskill Mountains, 1 984.
My father was 1 9 and the star sports counselor.
-Shoot it. -My mom was a C.I.T.
People say she reminded them of Sissy Spacek.
What happened under that harvest moon that summer, that's the stuff of legend.
In my family, it's what we like to refer to as...
...ancient history.
These days, my dad's sleeping on the couch.
Due to this unusual quirk in the New York state divorce code...
...neither one of my parents can move out of our apartment...
...until their settlement is signed, sealed and delivered.
Needless to say, it doesn't make for the greatest living environment.
-Did you drink my Pepsi? -It was my Pepsi.
It had my name on it.
Especially since my mom's recently decided to start dating again.
-HeIIo. -Leslie?
Is there anything worse than being mistaken for your mother?
-No, this is Gabe. -Hey, sorry, big guy.
You two sound so much alike. Is your mom around? This is Ronny.
I got it, honey. You can hang up.
Now, that's a real love story.
This much I know firsthand: Love ends.
You want proof? Check out my parents' refrigerator.
Why did I ever have to discover this ridiculous pain inside of me?
Because two and a half weeks ago, before all this love nonsense--
And I'm not just saying this either.
No, before all this, I was happy.
No!
Truly happy.
I'm serious. My life was filled with song.
And sport.
And constant adventure.
Oh, Rosemary.
Rosemary, Rosemary, Rosemary.
Why did you ever have to come into my life?
Who am I kidding?
She's been in my life for as long as I can remember.
For one little stretch there during kindergarten...
...you might even say we were friends.
What are you kids doing under there?
That was before first grade, when the iron curtain came down.
Girls on one side...
...boys on the other.
Oh, she was still there, of course.
I have the class pictures to prove it.
I just didn't see her.
I lived in a world of men.
So who wants to go to Duane Reade?
Man, I am not heIping you steaI Kit Kats again, Max.
Watch it!
But you got no troubIe eating the candy I provide for you, do you?
I'm not doing Iookout. I'm sorry, guys.
-Hey, guys, it's 5:00. I gotta roII. -I thought we were gonna shoot some 21 .
No, I'm meeting my dad for footbaII practice.
See you guys Iater.
The two of you are so nuts, man.
See, my father and I have this sort of plan.
I'm gonna be the Tiger Woods of the place-kicking world.
-Yeah! -And he's gonna be my Earl.
See? If you dedicate yourseIf to one goaI and one goaI onIy...
...at a ridicuIousIy young age...
...history has taught us we can achieve anything. Get back.
-One, two, three.... -You see? Before Rosemary Telesco...
...I had a very fulfilling life.
Nice.
How did it get so Iate?
Your mother's gonna have dinner waiting for you.
What do you say we stop by Patsy's and get a coupIe of sIices?
-Can I take karate? -Karate?
It's a martiaI art.
-What's karate have to do with pIace-kicking? -It can't hurt.
-WeII, how much is it? -I can?
If it doesn't cost me an arm and a Ieg. It might heIp your fIexibiIity. Sure.
Mistake number one was ever taking that godforsaken class.
Karate is not about strength.
It's about skiII. It's about focus.
It's an art of determination.
-When she showed up that first day... -Sorry, my tap cIass ran Iate.
...I was actually kind of glad, you know. A familiar face and all that.
I didn't know anybody else in the class.
If you can master the art of karate, you can master anything.
Come on!
About face.
MiddIe punch, kiai.
You're each gonna progress through this course at your own pace.
Those of you who pass the test to get your yeIIow beIt wiII be given yeIIow.
Those who pass red, red.
It's about finding your personaI best.
Come on.
Now, I want you to pair up. Everyone gets a sparring partner.
Oh, the painful dance of pairing up.
Twenty seconds of pure torture.
Now, I didn't want a girl for a sparring partner. Would you?
-Hey. -Hey.
Okay, let me tell you something about Rosemary Telesco.
Rosemary wasn't the prettiest girl in our class. That was Madison Shaw.
And she wasn't the second prettiest either. That was Vanessa Muir.
No, Rosemary was third. But, boy, could that girl do karate.
Keep it tight.
Don't get the wrong idea. We weren't really friends.
We were just karate friends.
Back at school, nothing changed, of course.
As far as the rest of the world was concerned, the real world...
...that iron curtain was still solid.
But when we put on those white robes...
...we could see past our many differences and fight like equals.
There was just one tiny problem.
I pretty much sucked at karate.
We aII congratuIate Rosemary TeIesco...
...on being the first in the cIass to earn her yeIIow beIt.
Thank you very much.
Talk about an assault to everything I knew about the world.
GirIs mature faster than boys.
That's compIeteIy made up. Boys are much more mature.
This isn't a matter of opinion, Gabe. There were studies.
GirIs speak first, they waIk first. I see it in my IittIe sister's cIass.
The boys her age aII seem retarded.
There's absoIuteIy no reason I shouIdn't be abIe to get my yeIIow beIt in a week.
-You don't take it seriousIy. -I take it seriousIy.
You're not focused. You think you're this naturaI.
-You don't practice. -I practice.
-When? -AII the time.
You shouId practice with me. You'd get better.
-Fine, Iet's practice. -Name the time.
-I don't care. This afternoon. -Fine.
Great.
Oh, I forgot. I have this one errand.
I'm supposed to be this fIower girI in a coupIe of weeks, and I have this fitting.
But it's gonna be, Iike, five minutes. I promise.
Classic female move. The bait and switch.
My mother's tricked me into many a shoe store with that one.
Is there anything worse than dress shopping?
I'm serious.
I'd rather have my toenails peeled off one by one with pliers...
...than spend five minutes in a dress store.
Okay, what's going on here? What the heck is this?
My God, what's this feeling in the pit of my stomach?
Who is this--?
This amazing creature before me?
What do you think?
You are going to be the prettiest fIower girI there.
I'm definiteIy gonna be the oIdest one.
Who--?
-Who's getting married? -My mom's sister.
Oh. CooI.
It's kind of weird because she's, Iike, seven months pregnant.
In that one moment, Rosemary Telesco leaped past Vanessa Muir...
...past Madison Shaw.
I looked at Rosemary and just felt so...
...confused.
She's a girl.
I'm supposed to despise girls, not feel nervous talking to one.
Not be all tongue-tied.
I mean, this was Rosemary Telesco. I knew her since kindergarten.
Just a IittIe rock. I mean, it's-- It'II be fine.
Just gonna grab my scooter. I'm reaIIy cooI, honestIy.
As she took me to practice karate at her place, one thing became clear.
Rosemary went to P.S. 87 because her parents believed in public education.
See, believing in public education...
...wasn't really a luxury my family could afford.
Don't go to Taos. Not without me.
Mr. and Mrs. Telesco, her parents...
...they, like, started this soap opera, Santa Fe, that's on, like, every day...
...so you know they had a few bucks.
Oh, Iook at that. You see that?
I knew your foIks were gonna keep them together. Didn't I say it?
-Let's go practice in my bedroom. -Okay.
-Will you have me, Kate? -What do you think I'll say?
Come on. He is no good for you. Get back in the truck.
If karate is all about focus...
-Good one. -...my focus was all over that pink room.
I mean, there I was, in the inner sanctum, alone with her.
Smelling her smell.
What is that? Strawberry?
-So, what made you take karate? -Made me?
DaryI Kitzens.
-DaryI Kitzens made you take karate? -Yeah, have you seen the guy?
He's insane.
Daryl Kitzens is without a doubt the scariest kid in the Upper West Side.
He's a fifth grader but he's supposed to be in seventh.
He is a giant.
Held back two grades out of his first five.
At the rate he's going, he'll graduate from high school at age 2 7...
...and will have terrorized an entire generation of Upper West Siders.
Are you afraid he's gonna beat you up?
No. No, no. Of course not.
I just, you know, wanna be ready when that day comes, you know.
Who was I kidding? I was petrified.
Kitzens hangs out a lot...
...in front of the subway station on 7 2nd and Broadway.
I haven't walked past that corner since October.
-WeII, we shouId practice more. -Yeah, sure, Iet's go.
We need to start working on those maneuvers he taught us.
WeII, I kind of meant some other time. It's getting kind of Iate.
Oh, yeah, that sounds great. It's getting kind of Iate anyway, so....
Yeah.
How could I have said that?
Okay, just shake it off. Keep it together.
-Are you okay? -That's the-- The door.
Look at her, living this perfect life up here, with a view of the park and everything.
Yet she's so humble.
Suddenly, Rosemary's whole world seemed very attractive to me.
Her parents, with all their success...
...the nanny who's been with her since she was born...
...and the adopted 3-year-old sister rescued from an orphanage in Beijing.
And me, my family's on a one-way ticket to The Jerry Springer Show.
-Hi. -Hey.
-Is LesIie around? -Yeah.
Les, your date's here.
She's coming. I'm her...
...husband.
OnIy 20 more minutes of video, okay, hon? Bedtime soon.
-AII right. -Good night.
-Adam, Ronny. Ronny, Adam. -Yeah, yeah.
-You guys met? Okay, good. -Yeah, we met.
ShaII we...?
See, this divorce thing...
-You guys have fun. -Thank you.
...it's a very difficult situation for everyone.
This isn't anybody's fauIt, you know.
It's not anybody's fault.
It's just that your father and I are a Iot more different than we thought.
They're just very different people.
Even though I was just 9 and a half, I totally took it like a man.
Now, I'm not saying I'm some latchkey kid.
I mean, I don't wanna make it seem like my parents are irresponsible either.
But for a year now, I've been able to roam the city.
Well, okay, not really the city. Nine square blocks.
The planetarium to the north, Riverside Park to the west...
...Central Park to the east. And 7 2nd street to the south.
In those blocks, I own this town.
Rosemary lived on 81 st Street, near the park.
A few yards north of my territory.
When I started, you know, casually riding past her building...
...I was heading into some uncharted waters.
It was summer break. Our next karate class wasn't for three days.
Do you know how many Telescos there are in the Manhattan phone book?
Two.
-TeIescos' . -One's a butcher shop down in the Village.
Rosemary? No, there's no Rosemary here.
-And trust me... -This is Frank.
...the other was not her either.
Hi, is Rosemary there?
You the kid that caIIed a haIf an hour ago?
What was I to do? Except loiter and hope?
Her doorman's looking at me.
Oh, my God, there she is.
I didn't have a contingency plan for if I actually saw her.
Just go up to her. Go, go. Say hi to her.
She looked so busy. I'll talk to her another day.
Coward. You fool. How could you be so weak?
I'm not weak. I'm only human.
What was I gonna say? ''I was in the neighborhood''? That's pathetic.
No, you're weak and you're pathetic.
And you're gonna be alone your entire life.
Who cares? I'd rather be alone than endure this misery and torment.
-Watch it, chiId. -Gabe?
Oh, hi. How's it going?
I'm just, you know, in the neighborhood.
-Don't you Iive in the neighborhood? -WeII, 73rd and West End.
I guess it sort of depends on how the neighborhood is defined.
Could I sound like any more of a loser?
So, what are you guys up to?
WeII, my sister's got a birthday party in the park.
I'm just bringing my book.
-Wanna come? -Come?
Sure.
Stop it.
-Sorry you came? -Not yet.
-BubbIe. -BubbIes, yeah.
Look. Look, there's my point. Those two kids are the same age.
She's, Iike, taIking, using her hands, teIIing stories...
...and he's drooIing over a cupcake.
-They're not the same age. -How much you wanna bet?
A buck says he's six months younger than her.
-Buy me an ice cream? -No, you're buying me one.
Excuse me.
-Is that your son? -Yeah.
-How oId is he? -He's two and a haIf.
And that IittIe girI, do you know how oId she is?
She's three months younger.
That proves nothing.
Man, look at her.
Have you ever seen anyone more beautiful?
So smart too. She's just my type.
Wow, I didn't even know I had a type.
Now, if I could only shake the nanny, we'd be in business.
-So shouId we get that ice cream now? -Now?
WeII, I mean, sure, if you want one.
-Birdie, couId we go get an ice cream? -Yeah, hurry back, now.
Oh, no, thanks. UnfortunateIy, this one's on me.
My first date. The big spender. Haagen-Dazs all the way, baby.
So how come I have nothing to say to her?
And why isn't she looking at me?
Am I that hideous? Do I smell?
-You come here often? -CentraI Park?
-Yeah. -What kind of question is that?
I hate myself.
I Iive across the street, you know. You?
-Me? -Are you more Riverside?
Yeah, I'm more of a Riverside guy.
That's reaIIy the park. But CentraI Park's pretty cooI.
I've done my time here.
Hey, Strawberry FieIds. You know what it's named for?
-Some BeatIes song, right? -CIose.
It's actuaIIy the name of the orphanage in LiverpooI...
...where John Lennon used to pIay with his friends.
-ReaIIy? -Yeah.
I didn't know that. Neat.
I took Rosemary on a tour of the park that would make your head spin.
This was my Central Park, my New York.
Yeah, they used to have herds and hundreds and hundreds of sheep grazing these fieIds.
And then they gave the sheepherder a job on the zoo at the Iion house.
Oh, yeah, didn't the sheepherder Iive up in Tavern on the Green?
It was a sheepfoId back then, but yeah.
See those buiIdings up there?
When I was younger, I'd pretend they were pirate ships, and I'd fight them.
-I never took you for a pirate guy. -WeII, I outgrew that eventuaIIy.
That's where my aunt's getting married next week.
Oh, the Boathouse. Of course.
-FIower girI. -Oh, I'm so Iooking forward to that.
My aunt asked me to be her fIower girI when I was 4.
But IittIe did any of us know...
...it wouId take seven years for her boyfriend to pop the question.
That's hiIarious.
I was charming and suave.
Everything you could hope to be on your first real date.
-Maybe we shouId practice more karate. -You need it.
-I am this cIose to becoming a yeIIow beIt. -Try this cIose.
-What's tomorrow Iike for you? -Saturday....
I've got ceIIo in the morning.
And then the afternoon, I've got tap.
Tap? What time does tap end?
I'm sorry, after tap I've got this Indian princess thing I do with my father.
Jeez, it was easier scheduling Arab-Israeli peace talks...
...than making a date with this girl.
-What's Indian princess? -It's this Daddy-and-me thing.
Don't ask.
I just do it so he won't feeI guiIty working Iate aII week.
-How about Sunday? -Sunday's good.
-Morning? -In the morning I have a tutor.
But how about the afternoon?
-Tutor? What kind of tutor? -It's for the ERBs.
My parents want me to go to EthicaI CuIture next year, or Trinity.
Private schooI? ReaIIy?
I probabIy won't get in anywhere.
Maybe I'II throw the test.
What exactly did that mean? Was that some kind of sign?
She'd throw her test for me? Does she ''like'' like me?
You nearIy gave me a heart attack. Where were you, girI?
-I'm sorry. We were-- -''Sorry'' ain't good enough.
You're 1 1 years oId. This is New York City.
You can't go off running by yourseIf Iike that.
You want Birdie teIIing your parents on you, huh?
Now, you two say your goodbyes now.
-Sunday afternoon? -Sounds good.
-Maybe I shouId come to your pIace? -My pIace?
See, ever since my dad moved onto the couch...
...I've been uninterested in having friends over.
-Perfect. -See you then.
Come on, Iet's go. Here.
Running off Iike that. You know better than that.
Never had I felt so alive.
I had a date with Rosemary.
Was there any better age to be in any better city in the world?
Sunday couldn't come fast enough.
What was today?
Only Friday? Oh, the eternity.
Hey, watch where you're going!
-Get off the sidewaIk, you maniac. -Sorry!
-Hey, how goes it, Mr. Gabe? -Pretty fine, RaIph.
How's it coming aIong with that pIace-kicking?
PIace-kicking? I'm more into karate these days.
-Karate? -Yeah.
You gotta watch the show Xtreme Martial Arts...
...with this guy Mike Chaturantabut.
-Mike? -Mike Chat.
-Mike Chat. AII right. -Yeah.
-CooI, I'II check it out. -HoId the door, pIease.
Oh, sure, no probIem, Lina. That's what I'm here for, right?
Thank you so much, RaIph.
-Thank you. -Sure.
New au pair in 3G. She's from StockhoIm.
Got you.
Mike Chat knows that showmanship is huge in the martial-arts tournaments.
In fact, Mike's the Tony Hawk of martial arts.
The guy who changed the game. And he's Matt's teacher.
Mike pioneered XMA, Xtreme Martial Arts.
He's rooted in the fundamentals....
-Hey, Mom? -Hey.
-I was thinking I kind of need a haircut. -A haircut?
-Yeah. -Okay, I'II do it in the morning.
See, this was a sensitive subject around our house...
...because up until now...
...my mom's actually given me every haircut I've ever had.
Not to say she hasn't learned a thing or two over the years.
But lately it's been occurring to me...
...that she's not exactly what we might call a professional.
ActuaIIy, I was, you know, kind of thinking maybe we couId go out for one.
-Out? -Yeah, you know, Iike, to a barbershop.
-You mean, pay for it? -WeII, not an expensive one.
Don't be ridicuIous, honey. I can cut your hair.
Hey, Dad, I reaIIy think it's time that Mom stops cutting my hair.
Don't you?
The thing about Giambi, I don't trust that damn guy.
I don't trust him going to that bag.
He's got bat, no doubt about that.
What do you think we ought to do with this guy?
CouId you take it higher over the ears, pIease?
-No probIem. -Thanks.
Best $ 1 2 I ever spent.
Look at me. I was hot.
-Our baII. -What the heck?
-Hey, man, it's a Iegitimate fouI. -Dude, you just totaIIy hacked me.
No.
Look, I don't need you Iosers.
Okay, maybe I was a little excitable...
...but I didn't wanna get bruised up before my big karate practice.
Hey, Rosemary. Hey there, pretty Iady.
How's it going, girI? Hey, Rosemary TeIesco.
I got it.
Mr. Gabe, I got a Rosemary down here for you.
Send her up, RaIph.
-I loathe myself for feeling like I did. -Hey.
I mean, this is crazy. She's a girl, for God's sake.
It's not like she's a New York Knick or something.
-Hey. -Hey.
My mom dropped me off.
She's gonna pick me up at 5:1 5 if that's okay.
Yeah, sure, whenever is fine.
AII right, Iet's go.
So do you remember the oId pIace?
-Yeah, it's been a Iong time. -Yeah, it has.
Mom, this is Rosemary TeIesco. You remember her, don't you?
From kindergarten, of course. I haven't seen you in forever.
Look at you, Rosie. You're aII grown up.
-Hi, Mrs. Burton. -We're practicing karate.
Excuse me.
-Yes. -Ronny's here. Should I bring him up?
Oh, okay.
I didn't know you were having a pIay date or I wouIdn't have made pIans.
-ShouId I stay? -It's not a pIay date, Mom. It's practice.
-Do you need snacks? -No, we're fine. Don't worry about us.
Okay.
-Who's Ronny? -My mom has got a date.
Hey. Hey, big guy.
Ronny, this is Gabe's friend, Rosemary TeIesco.
-Nice to meet you, Rosemary TeIesco. -You too.
You want me to hoId this for you?
Oh, thank you. I'II just get my coat.
Is there anything more excruciating than you and your date and your mom's date...
...all hanging out with absolutely nothing to say?
Don't do anything I wouIdn't do. Okay, kiddo?
Okay, that's more excruciating.
I'II be back in time for dinner.
-Okay. -Okay.
-Bye. -Bye.
-I didn't know your parents were divorced. -WeII, they're not officiaIIy.
See, it's kind of this Iong-term project they've been working on...
...for, Iike, a year and a haIf now.
And my mom's decided that she's finaIIy gotta move on with her Iife.
-That sucks. -WeII, it is what it is, you know.
Hey, you wanna see something funny?
A few weeks earlier, my mother had left her Match.com file open on her desktop.
See, this is a Iist of aII the 45-year-oId men in New York who are Iooking for wives.
Most of them are Iooking for their second or even third.
These are the ones my mom picked out.
They aII Iook Iike the same guy to me.
-Yeah, she's kind of got a type. -Oh, my God, there's Ronny.
''I'm a reaI Iive wire who tends to take everything in Iife up a notch.
I Iike being quiet and contempIative, but rowdy and spontaneous.''
Enough of my mother and her romantic dead ends.
Today was about me and Rosemary. She was in my house, all alone.
It was time for us to fight.
Sparring that day, I was channeling none other than the great one himself...
...my master, my inspiration, Mr. Mike Chat.
It's a dance, GabrieI. You Iead her, not she Iead you.
Kiss her. Kiss her.
I can't, that's disgusting.
Trust me, not disgusting.
How couId you Iet her do that?
GirIs mature faster than boys.
BaIoney! Don't Iet her brainwash you with that.
Boys stronger.
I had absolutely no idea what she was thinking.
She was this total mystery to me.
Did I want to kiss Rosemary Telesco?
Yes, I guess I did.
I wanted to. More than anything on earth.
Do you...
...want some Gatorade?
Who was I kidding, anyway? Was I really gonna kiss her?
I mean, come on, she's 1 1, I'm 1 0.
Well, 1 0 and three-quarters, actually. She's May, I'm September.
What do aII the different names mean?
Oh, it's my mom's stuff and my dad's stuff.
-Isn't that hard? -Oh, no, not reaIIy.
I mean, I can choose from either of them.
No, I mean, having them stiII Iiving together?
I might be falling in love with the woman.
Doesn't mean I'm in the mood for soul-searching.
Don't you think it's gonna be so much better once it's aII over?
What do you mean?
I don't know. Like, getting your Iife started again.
I guess so, yeah.
WeII, who do you think's gonna move out?
I don't know. My dad, I guess.
-Has he Iooked at any pIaces yet? -I don't think so.
Hey, maybe we shouId Iook for him.
Turns out Rosemary's parents, their favorite hobby was looking at apartments.
They never actually buy anything...
...but every Sunday for as long as she can remember...
...they dragged her to open houses. She knew what everything meant.
-''WBF''? -Wood-burning firepIace. That's good.
-How much? -Way too expensive, that's how much.
Yeah.
Estate condition is scary. It means it has to be gutted.
-This is nice. -What?
Romantic treetop view, attic Ioft, hardwood fIoors.
It's a IittIe downtown, but there's two bedrooms...
...so you can stay over whenever you want.
-ShouId we caII? -CaII?
-Hello, Isaac Properties. -Yes, Isaac?
We wanted to arrange to see the ''romantic treetop view.''
Something right in the range of your pIace.
-Yes. -Maybe it is true.
Maybe girls do mature faster than boys. Could I talk like that?
How's tomorrow afternoon for you?
Tomorrow, for me? Let's see....
-It's good. -Yes, that'd be perfect.
Three o'cIock? See you there.
Three o'cIock tomorrow.
AII right.
Quick.
Here. Here, hurry. Hurry!
G-man, you back here?
I got some new kicking tees. They're titanium.
-How's it going? -Good.
Dad, you remember Rosemary TeIesco, right?
From kindergarten.
-Sure. -Hey.
Hi.
Long time, no see.
She's in my karate cIass, Dad.
CooI.
But she wasn't just in my karate class anymore.
Oh, no. She was in my life.
We were going out to look for an apartment for my father tomorrow.
These are things boyfriends and girlfriends do.
What other things do boyfriends and girlfriends do?
Someone need a ride?
So I'II see you tomorrow, 2:30.
Yeah, see you tomorrow.
Are there any more beautiful words in the English dictionary...
...than ''see you tomorrow''?
Oh, the plan was perfect.
She would tell her friend Libby to say Rosemary was over at her house.
Just from, Iike, 2:30 to around dinnertime.
See, Libby had a grandmother who took care of her...
...and who was literally deaf and would never hear the phone if it rang.
So her story was solid.
Let's try Anagrammed Birds for 200.
I would tell my friend Max Kovinsky to cover for me.
The only possible flaw in my plan...
...was that I didn't actually have the guts to tell Max...
... that I was hanging out with a girl.
So, you know, I, like, never actually had the conversation.
Luckily, I knew Max was going to Six Flags for the entire day.
I got this.
So I knew he wasn't gonna accidentally call looking for me or anything.
You ride the subway a Iot without any grownups?
ActuaIIy, no.
I....
I do it aII the time, you know. It's much more fun this way.
I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd never been south of West 7 2nd.
I felt she needed my leadership.
Greenwich Village might as well have been 1 000 miles away.
I think we might've gotten off a stop or two earIy.
Do you--? Do you want to ride?
-Do you think we can both fit? -We can try.
Come on. Get on.
With that girl's arms around me, there was nothing I couldn't do.
I think it's this way.
With the possible exception of finding that apartment we were looking for.
Deja vu.
Maybe we shouId ask for directions.
No, I think it's just right up this aIIey right here.
You are so Iike aII the guys in my famiIy.
-That your girIfriend? -Excuse me?
Is she your girI?
Yeah, my girIfriend.
I had a girIfriend once upon a time too.
She trampIed my heart.
Left me bIeeding on the fIoor.
-Run. -What?
Run whiIe you stiII can, brother.
Take my advice.
Make Iike the wind.
You were cIose. One bIock, a Ieft, and then another Ieft.
Let's go.
Are you Isaac?
I'm Rosemary. We're here to see the apartment.
-Am I getting Punk'd? -No, it's for my dad.
And wiII Daddy be meeting us here?
-He wiII if I give him the high sign. -Trying to make a commission or not?
We do a nice business in two-bedrooms with divorced fathers.
This pIace wiII be gone in a New York minute, I promise you.
Wood-burning firepIace.
Yeah, I noticed.
I didn't know what we were looking for exactly.
What do you think?
I Iike it.
It's nice, amazing.
But I knew one thing for certain.
Yeah.
It was the most romantic treetop view I ever saw.
We came home up the bike path along the Hudson. Sixty-seven blocks.
The most physically grueling experience in my short life on this planet.
But I barely felt it.
I never felt so ridiculously wonderful.
This was New York the way I always want to remember it.
A place where anything is possible. The city of dreams.
-What's this? -Oh, this?
You don't know about this?
It's the smaIIest park in New York City.
Some commissioner died and Ieft his whoIe townhouse...
...to be knocked down for a park.
How come I didn't know about this?
Nobody on your side of Broadway ever comes over this way.
That's what's so cooI about West End.
-Do you come here a Iot? -ActuaIIy, I....
I haven't been here in quite a whiIe.
Hey, Mini Me.
What are you doing in my park?
Oh, no way. Not Daryl Kitzens. Not now.
It's a pubIic park.
What's she doing? Inciting him?
Didn't she know that wild animals need to be placated?
I think this park's big enough for aII of us, right?
Who were we kidding?
A white belt and a yellow belt...
...facing off against the Darth Maul of P.S. 87.
We were gonna get creamed.
You picked the wrong park, IittIe man.
Get the heII out my park.
You're dead!
Come on. Run, run, hurry.
Hop on. Go, go, go.